Writing letters of condolence
is an act of kindness. Many baby boomers and seniors are aware that the practice
of writing letters of condolence to those who have lost loved ones is gradually
disappearing. Nowadays many people send condolence cards by snail mail. E-mail
letters and e-mail cards are gradually replacing the snail mail cards.
The basic principle behind a
letter of condolence, acknowledging the reality that someone has lost a loved
one or an acquaintance, remains the same. An appropriate letter of condolence
serves to comfort the person or people who receive it, regardless of its mode
of delivery.
Unconditional love is one of
the most important aspects of any letter of condolence.
The obituarieshelp.org website offers online templates with
free, sample letters of condolences that may help you to write to someone who
has suffered a loss. They also offer advice regarding the appropriate
components of a letter of condolence.
Consider the following tips on
writing letters of condolence.
Be aware that there is a wide
range or gamut of emotions that people experience when loved ones pass away, so
sending a card that is in good taste is important. These emotions may
include strong feelings like grief, anger, frustration, fear, guilt or blame.
At times, there may be a sense of loss with resignation or relief, particularly
when someone has been suffering for a long time.
Send the letter of condolence
mentioning the name of the deceased within an appropriate time frame, preferably
within a few weeks after someone has passed away. They may not appreciate a
letter of condolence that they receive several months or a year later.
Include your name and address,
as well as a telephone number or e-mail address with your letter of condolence,
because family members who receive it may not necessarily know you,
particularly in instances where there are many people who are trying to be
helpful to the person who has lost a loved one. He or she may want to get back
to you with a thank you note or contact you later.
Be cautious with respect to
recounting earlier events with the deceased, although at times, they may be
comforting to those who have suffered a loss. Humorous instances of your own
personal relationship with the deceased prior to his or her death, may not
always be appropriate or appreciated. Save those anecdotes for a later time.
Offer to assist the family whenever possible. Normally, there are many things and personal matters to take
care of after someone dies. If the family members refuse your offer, do not be
offended. They may not want to include you in their personal affairs like
funeral arrangements, wills, property settlement, etc. Respect their wishes.
Give them time and space to take care of their family matters. Let them grieve
on their own, if that is their decision. You may offer to assist them
financially or donate to a charitable cause on behalf of the deceased
person.
Do not send humorous cards to
someone who has just lost a loved one, as your sense of humor may not be the
same as that of a person who has lost a loved one and may be upsetting to him
or her.
While religious letters of
condolence will usually be of comfort to someone who has lost a loved one, be
gracious in terms of what you send or write, as your belief system may differ
from his or hers. Your religious letter of condolence may be rejected if it is
considered offensive.
Remember that this is not the
appropriate time or way to air any of your past grievances with respect to the
person who has passed away. Your kindness and consideration in this respect are
important.
Letting someone who has lost a
loved one know that he or she is being thought of at this time and is loved by
you and others, is the most important part of letters of condolences.
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