How to Help an Elderly Person Who is Depressed: Tips For Baby Boomers and Seniors

Depression is common in the elderly and empathy is important. As baby boomers and seniors, you can do your part to help others who are depressed.

In other words, you can be instrumental in bringing love, joy and laughter into the life of another elderly person who is depressed and help him or her, while at the same time sowing seeds of kindness with care, compassion and concern. Being supportive, positive and constructive, as well as taking a consistent, motivational approach towards his or her depression will make a difference.

Depression is something that an elderly person often has to contend with, even though that person may not see himself or herself as being depressed.

For example:  Doug, age eighty, just sits in his chair, day after day and barely responds when spoken to by others. He picks at his food and seldom showers unless compelled to do so by the nursing home staff.  He refuses to go out to special events with other seniors. He paces up and down the hallway at night and gets angry with the night shift caregivers who try to get him to go to bed. “I just want to die,” he tells his best friend. “I have lived long enough.”

How can you help an elderly person like Doug? 

Perhaps understanding the nature of depression is the first step in helping someone who is depressed.

What is depression?

“Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. 

However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty and apathetic, or men in particular may even angry, aggressive and restless.”

Being there for an elderly person like Doug, who expresses feelings that he cannot live and cannot die, is important, as sometimes, just the presence of someone else can help to reveal what is causing the depression. Unexpressed problems, anxieties and fears may need to surface. Sometimes these can be resolved with time and effort on your part.

For the depressed person, a willingness to participate is important. It is not always easy to get someone who is depressed to participate in anything. It may take patience. It is often necessary to take small steps when approaching an elderly person who is depressed. Anyone trying to help may meet with rejection, at first. A smile, a gesture of friendship or a small token of some kind may help to overcome that rejection.

Recognizing that a person may have feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, is vital in terms of helping an elderly person who is in a state of depression. Identifying a death wish or the desire to commit suicide, may lead towards effective communication and potential resolution in the future. Many elderly people are potentially suicidal particularly when they are sick, living with constant pain or being alone. Documenting and reporting their death wishes and suicide threats is important.

Caution is vital with respect to approaching a potentially suicidal, elderly person. When trying to help any suicidal person, it is never a good idea to suggest that this is a viable option. Remember that the power of suggestion is strong and the depressed, elderly person may respond to your suggestion.

Be aware that a depressed person like Doug may not always express a death wish, but in this case, he has openly verbalized his thoughts and feelings to his close friend. This places his friend in a position where he can be instrumental in helping him with the assistance of professional, health care givers.

Becoming a reliable, trustworthy and long-term friend to a depressed person often helps. Remember that many elderly people have suffered the loss of spouses, family members or friends and no longer have anyone they can relate to effectively. Establishing new friendships can open doorways to other relationships. 

Everyone needs a significant other.

Spending quality time to with a depressed, elderly person like Doug, often proves beneficial. This could include active participation in things that may be interesting and fun to do together. Initially, the depressed person may not wish to become active again, but over time, encouraging increased activity is important, as it can help to change a depressed person’s focus on life. 

Even for the elderly, there is the possibility of more life to be lived. This should include participation in the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual realms of life.

Seeking professional, medical guidance and advice is always important, particularly when it appears that depression symptoms persist in an elderly person. There may be underlying medical issues and concerns that need to be resolved. The depressed elderly person may also benefit from professional counseling from health care professionals.

Empathy is the key word for helping an elderly person who is depressed. You can play an important role in this regard, just by doing your part.